RUDE

There is so much I hate about this school. The services here are pathetic.

1) the fckn Subway workers who constently yell at eachother and then go talk all Greek in front of your face. Get a fckn life! I mean honestly, DOES it kill you to greet someone.... You walk to the counter and its "what do you want!"
"footlong, Italian Salami"
"Is parmesean bread okay?"
"No do you have Italian?"
"no"
"oh, okay, *starts to walk away*"
"wait miss....*opens oven, yanks out a tray of fresh bread"
*thinks: WTF* -.-"
"Just salami?"
" yes"
"toasted? with cheese?"
"No"
*reaches for the cheese*
"NO CHEEESE!!! >: (
*passes it down*
"what you want?"
"lettuce.......cucumbers..........pickles.......... a bit of mustard"
"what will be 9.90$"
" uhm... I always get this and its 7.90"
"yes, but you got the spicy."
"...its...salami"
"but you have 20 pieces"
...BLAH BLAH BLAH......
"next time Ms..."
" NO! there wont be a fckn next time ahole!!!"

!@#$%^& you dam fckn subway workers!!! you see me once a month!!!



2) The B Bagel workers-
" what would you like? "
 "chocolate chip, toasted"
 "with what on top?"
"butter."
 "toasted?"
 -.-"
 .... few mins after the bagel is toasted
"what would you like on your bagel"
 ">: ( BUTTER!"

PATHETIC thing is they see me EVERY second day!!!

FCK man seriously, got some serious coherent problems!

3) Bookstore Check Out- okay its inevitable that theres alot of customers per day.
Line up of 30-so people
You're holding 1 notebook on sale.
BUN THIS!

4) Telephone student services
These gawd dam students are PATHETIC!
"yes yes, I understand"
......right >.> you NEVER get the dam request done. IDIOTS!


Seriously of the fckn millions in this GTA tell me how this school hires the WORST servers. UGH

Past, Present, Future

He keeps backing me up to the past. 
Finally, I am content with the present. 
& excited for the future. 


Is he holding me back? 
He keeps bringing up memories...thoughts... everything. 


I feel nothing.


I feel empty. 


My heart... has been shattered into a million pieces... 


but then he came along and slowly pieced the pieces together.


How can I walk away from the best thing that's happened to me? 


How can I possibly say goodbye to someone who's made me feel beyond happy and complete. 


Is it Love? 


He's opened my eyes to Love. he made everything possible. He believes in communication being key.
Yet... I'm scared. 
Running from the best thing thats happene to me....why?
Am I afraid of what others thing?
Am I afraid of the pain? The heartbreaks?
Am I afraid of lose? 


Yes. 


Im scared... I'm scared of him...the way he makes me feel.... how he can make time slow down... how he can easily break my heart ... 


Sigh. 








The past...the present...shaping the future... 
sometimes moving on is hard. 

Emptyness

For starters.... I hate Thursdays... I have 3 classes, its the longest day of the week, its near the end so I'm exhausted from the fckn commute. 
J'ai de la haine pour....  
I feel just so empty. My heart feels so cold. Sometimes I dont even think its beating. I feel so exhausted, its like I'm walking dead. I wish I can just sit and cry for hours instead of sucking it up and getting work done late at night. I have never hated life so much..... 
Staying up all week ....20 hours a day ... REALLY gets to you... when its windy and you're walking in the wind when its pitch black heck you'll shouting to the skies ******* for making my life miserable. 
Seriously...can't ANYTHING just go right for once? 
I'm running out of time.. I can't keep up... I'm falling... I'm crashing.. I'm just so overwhelmed with stress. 
Step 1: 
I cut my social life. F fcb, msn what not... Its over. 1 month (im only replying to important people) 
Hell with social life...never made a dent in happiness. 
Step 2: 
Be in two places at once... replace all the nuscence with the gym time.... studying books....
Step 3: 
Bun sleeping. I've made it this far and I've gone COMPLETELY mental its rediculous...few more weeks will kill me. 
Step 4: 
Dont Care. 
******** 
honestly...just the world... SCREW IT- I didn't need ANYONE to make this far. 
Its just me, myself & I at the end... is all I got. 

Time is Running Out...

Soon it will be Christmas... 
And we have decided that we should start dating....
He asked me before.... not very romantically- over the phone? I mean honestly.... wow....after 4 months...and the best you can do is ask over a phone? 
So I am hoping that he'll do something at least when we see each other (new strategy...)
Sigh ... I dont know what to do if he doesn't do anything.... 
I mean... it feels so pointless if someone just goes..."so..you wanna be my girlfriend" oh jeee...how ...uberly romantic is that...right? 
I mean...so passion...no thought into it... I just...dont know what I'd do if he doesn't ask and assumes that because a partical day is coming up...and he says nothing! 
I think...that would be my last chance I give him...This is the last chance I give him... Honestly... I'm sick and fed up with keep giving guys another chance! 
F*** them. 
There is no point in apologizing if they keep doing it again-and you know... I really hope that they see the daylight when they realize what they had is GONE. 
UGH. 
I. HATE. HIM. 
for making me hating him .... gawd, this hypocritical side of him of being all smiles and cheers with "if your happy, im happy" and this bullsh*t of calling me "dear" I mean who the hell do you think you are? 
Sometimes just can't be fixed. 
[33] 

100 Things...

100  things he does that I love about him... 

1. 
   
2. His gentlemen and chivalrous ways…ahh!!! 
3. when he comes up behind me, puts his arms around my waists and kisses me 
4. how the spaces between our fingers aren't empty when we hold hands 
5. his calm and reassuring voice 
6. his sweet kisses 
7. his nerdy jokes ^.^
8. his soft & soothing voice when he sings in my ear 
9. he sings in a different language! 
10. when he does the dishes and talks on the phone on the shoulder at the same time! 
11. the way he talks so intelligently-with such high vocabulary 
12. introducing me to Big Bang xO
13. He walked blindfolded and trusted me to direct him home with only my voice 
14. when he calls late at night & says goodnight 
15. how special he makes me feel when he calls me beautiful or Love 
16. when he stutters when he is trying to outsmart me on the spot …er..uh..a…hum..er..
17. when we fight to pay
18. when he squints his eyes -->    >.<"
19. when he gets owned 
20. his creative and adorable surprises 
21. how nice he smells 
22. come home to fcb w/ message invasions 
23. when he holds me close when we sit on the couch 
24. his Italian signing attempt to impress me :] 
25. his competitive side… finish his hot chocolate first! 
26. his attempt at french =) (….he tries…its the thought that count)
27. I laugh when he goes all "evil" talk b/c I know he's the nicest person I have ever met 
28. the way he says "Baby" 
29. he's a great listening 
30. when he's nervous 
31. when he says "I love you" in different language 
32. he lets me decorate his locker ANY color I want :) (even pink/purple) 
33. his "mmmmm" & comments after he tastes my home cook meals 
34. he loves me for me 
35. he makes me feel like im the only girl in the world 
36.  You’re Amazing Even If You Wont Admit it.
37.  You’ve Always Been There For Me.
38.  You Love Me For Me.
39. You’re Funny.
40. You’re Like My Prince Charming.
41. his control of emotions 
42.  Your Protective.
43.  You’re Always Willing To Try New Things.
44. you’ve Stood By me Even At A Distance.
45. When I’m In Your Arms I Feel Like Nothing Can Harm Me.
46. The Butterflys I Get When We 1st Kiss.
47. The Way You Look At Me.
48. you give the best advice 
49. How When You Go To Bed I Still Cant Stop Thinking About You
50. how you dont judge my family
51. how sensitive you are 
52. All Your Funny Stories You’ve Told Me
53. How You’re The Only Guy Ive Ever Felt Like This Towards
54. You Never Forces Me To Do Anything
55. How hot you look shirtless
56. That Your The 1st Thing On My Mind When I wake Up
57. How your'e slowly turning me into a girly girl
58. you're understanding 
59. you're forgiving 
60. you're strong 
61. your'e comfort
62. when we wrestle... & I win you quickly demand a rematch =)
63. sleeping in your arms
64. your sense of humor
65. you're massages 
66. you're fearless
67. how close you are to your family & you're always watching out for your lil' brothers 
68. when we recite lyrics to each other 
69. He gets me to try new things. (I would like to take this moment to thank him for introducing me to sushi.)
70. He encourages me to run.
71. His willingness to let me be by myself more than he probably considers normal.
72. his cute sighs
73. he knows what he wants in life 
74. He started encouraging to work out again & he's doing not bc of how I look but bc he knows I'm happier when I work out. I am blessed.
75. you trust me
76. you let me use your weaknesses against you ;) 
77. You stop me from giving up 
78. you make me smile like the sun =)
79. he's cute when he feeds me (haha)
80. when he vents to me 
81. when he blindfolds me with a scarf ;]
82. he teases me about being clumsy-then goes serious tone and asks if I was okay 
83. our memories 
84. he's modest 

Thoughts

Time is ticking and there is little time that I get to spend with him before we will be parted. 
I feel as if, I am tying myself down...but why? 
I finally found someone who makes me happy for who I am ... someone who makes me smile! 
But am I fooling myself? I mean anyone can make you smile... ugh.. I hate this feeling.... doubt. 
I really hate doubting our possible relationship when really it has the potential on lasting a long time. 

[what is...] L O V E ...

Love is something that cannot be explained really, its just that invisible chemical connection that two people have by the way that they look at each other, or just 'know' about what they other person is thinking just by a look and smile ... love I guess makes you want to be a better and good person at the end of the day, you go to bed happy and you but your partner's happiness first. 

Love I guess is when two people are united and they become one, always taking care of each other, respecting each other.... its not just about sex, its not about meeting one person dating them for a few years and breaking up...its not about cheating on your bf/gf for someone better...that is where you truly know whether or not a person was in love with you in the first place. If your bf/gf still kisses you on your worst days.. or respects your wishes (like you're not ready for sex till marriage for example) ... or they appreciate your presence and compagny of just doing things and hanging out together. 


Love is so much more than just pleasure... Its a much GREATER connection you have with the other person ... I guess like how Katy Perry for example would explain it "a missing puzzle piece" its like finding your other half, the half that you were missing...for some it could be the one who encourages, motivates a person to achieve their dreams or helps them achieve it, they do sweet things for you just to make your day and make you happy...they realize that you're the person that they want to be with and love you for all your faults, past, flaws etc...“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly” meaning that ... we need that person... that is all we need... materialistic things like money, looks, status in life, fame etc...dont mean anything or doesn't compare when you're with that one person...kinda like what 


Love is also about trust...its about allowing that other person to become apart of you- you trust them, you're honest, you're open and talk to them regardless of what is on your mind..you can say ANYTHING ...and you'll let that person comfort you when your'e sad, or give you words of advice when you're in tough situations ... those are other factors of Love

Love requires ALOT of work 
-nothing is perfect
-its 50/50 
-lots of communication, trust needed....
 never would you dare push osmething there not comfortable with 
you'll show that you love them with sweet surprises and such-reciprocal
-Dont give up....especially when life hits you both with a brick... Work together & ind a solution 


Love is about loving someone JUST THE WAY THEY ARE

Oh her eyes, her eyes

Make the stars look like they're not shining

Her hair, her hair

Falls perfectly without her trying

She's so beautiful

And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know

When I compliment her

She wont believe me

And its so, its so

Sad to think she don't see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay

I say

When I see your face

There's not a thing that I would change

Cause you're amazing

Just the way you are

And when you smile,

The whole world stops and stares for awhile

Cause girl you're amazing

Just the way you are

Her lips, her lips

I could kiss them all day if she'd let me

Her laugh, her laugh

She hates but I think its so sexy

She's so beautiful

And I tell her every day

Oh you know, you know, you know

Id never ask you to change

If perfect is what you're searching for

Then just stay the same

So don't even bother asking

If you look okay

You know I say

When I see your face

There's not a thing that I would change

Cause you're amazing

Just the way you are

And when you smile,

The whole world stops and stares for awhile

Cause girl you're amazing

Just the way you are

The way you are

The way you are

Girl you're amazing

Just the way you are

When I see your face

There's not a thing that I would change

Cause you're amazing

Just the way you are

And when you smile,

The whole world stops and stares for awhile

Cause girl you're amazing

Just the way you are