Last 24hr

Wow... 24hrs can change your life. 
A friendship that lasted for well over 2 years is on the edge of being broken. How do I feel? Well I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest.  I was shot and fell over a cliff then he ignited a match and burnt me. Dramatic? yes... but its the closest thing I can think of. 
I am missing something here? Is the universe trying to tell me something? 
The conversation ended badly between us. Insults. Swearing. Tears. Yeah I broke his heart,but it was the only thing that he can wake up to reality. We .Are. Not. Together. 
I've moved on as hard it was but the new guy is better. He is irreplacable, hm, not so sure about that seeing that he has another girl that likes him. Should I be worried? Should the old me of paranoia come back? 
I was hurt. I feel as if its this consent disappointment with men. 
How should I go about approaching him? "yo that girl likes you" 
Probably.... Not...Is it something to address him with? (Great then i'll start sounding like the insecure potential girlfriend) I ALWAYS remind myself when I think about it.... Someone else likes me too. But I choose to be with him (this usually works, I think about how true his words are about me and the 'changed' me. 
Why does it keep bothering me? I am afraid to lose him? Why do I always think about them together at school, spending time with each other and how they can help each other out with post secondary. I am just hurting myself in the end. but...
Is it for the better? Would it be better he goes off with someone his own age and they can figure out life together rather than me sounding like a nagging mother reminding him of things.....thats the last thing he needs right now! 
I need him in my life. 
He's changed me. He made me believe in myself and encouraged me along the way. 
He found my heart. He patched the holes and filled the empty space with Love. He cherished my fragile heart and kept it close to  him. 
So why am I going crazy over this? (sigh) Im afraid of losing him. 


Now this friend... What is wrong with this picture? 
He loves me. 
He wants to be there for me. 
He refuses to back off. 
He forgives me  for everything that's happened. 
I like someone else. 
He knows he doesn't have a chance. 
He says I Love You all the time ... 
I might be going into a relationship with someone else. 


Arg. so whats wrong with him! 
Why is he still living in the past? WAKE  UP is what I want to say instead I ended saying **** you for insulting me. 
Was insulting me his way of showing me that he still cares and want to prove. Is talking down on me and thinking that he knows everything the way to show that he cares? 
Is consitently saying I Love You a way of changing how I feel about him? 
No. 
He shouldn't be the one 'always being there.' Its not him I choose. We are not in the past. He needs to realize that he needs to move on....for his own good. Why? If not, he'll end up being the guy who "loves this girl but already has a boyfriend." 
What should I do? The convo ended up so bad.... he has a point where he almost snapped at me and then went all epiphany and then went all " were cool again" 
NO. 
Its time that I wake up and realize that he can't just treat me like that. 
He can't keep "pointing out" my faults for my "own good." The new guy isn't like that at all... he calmly explains to me what is wrong..what I said offensively... 
I wont be tricked into feeling guilty and pity him. 
I will not keep pretending that were holding on to a friendship that we've lost at our first fight.
Sometimes there is so much one can tolerate before Goodbye is the best for both. 
Of course though ... Im selfish for saying that yet.. its alright if "it makes me happy." 
What does he want. No. I know what he wants, he wants to be the new guy. 
He can't stand that he had 2 years to ask me, to tell me something but instead all he did was break the news... "Rose, that guy that you liked well... he's been talking shyt about you" ... Jeee....thanks. 
He wrote countless of e-mails and messages about how wrong it was of me to like a guy and move on.... Well.. I'm not going to bury myself at this age. Its a learning experience. It hurt. But its how I found the new guy. 
Its true. the new guy may have won me after 6 months... thats all that it took... he was confident and knew what he wanted. 
Perhaps through all of this... I have hopefully realized the following: 
1) dont let others talk shyt about you 
2) you have to know when to say Goodbye......for your own good. 
3) to be happy is to find someone who makes you happy 


Well.. another friend lost for the month. seems like i've been on a streak. Who's next? -.-'